Before I reveal my mortal goal in life, some groundwork is necessary.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that every man (which is to say, a boy writ large) wishes to be a badass. As I have been educated in the Thomist and scholastic tradition, it is now incumbent upon me to offer a definition of the term "badass." This is easier said than done: ask any given man what his image of badassery is, and you are likely to get a thousand and one fragmented interpretations- most involving motorcycles. My belief is that there are general principles to be gleaned from this "heap of broken images;" varying as men's images of badassery are, they are fundamentally alike in several important ways. (Aside from the presence of Harley-Davidsons.)
The first aspect worth noticing about the badass is that he is able to function both on his own and in company with others. Every superhero worth his salt has, at one time or another, been a member of some all-star team. Again, the solitary rider of desert roads is so linked to the idea of the badass that it is inextricable from our current definition. The badass must be able to go after the enemy with no more company than his horse or trusty dog, while he must at the same time be able to coordinate with other members of a posse should the need arise. The ability to thrive alone and in company is, therefore, one of the first distinguishing aspects of the badass. (Think of Darryl Dixon, from "The Walking Dead." He begins as a character who keeps his own company exclusively, shunning association with The Group. Only after he begins to interweave his life with those of his neighbors does his true grandeur surface.)
The second and, in a way, most vital aspect of the badass, is his relation to violence. On one hand, the badass cannot be a member of the "sheeple," cannot be a farming villager who is cowed, or reduced to fist-clenching frustration, by the first passing villain with a gun. He must be familiar with the means of violence, as well as willing and able to use them. Again, however, the badass cannot himself be the man who lives by the sword to the exclusion of farming, herding, or another peacetime occupation. He cannot be the hard-faced man who sees the world only through the fearsome pupil of the gun-barrel. He is a man who understands the use of violence in every respect: he knows what it is and how to use it, but more importantly, he knows why, where, and when to employ his lethal artistry.
Thirdly: the badass has a particular relationship with the fairer sex. Again, this relationship encompasses two aspects: on the one hand, the badass must be eminently attractive to women, without appearing to try. Trying is the sign of the boy. The badass knows that he is worthy of female attention, and accepts it as fitting to his nature. However, the second aspect of this relationship is just as important: the badass understands that, in one sense, no man is worthy of a woman, and that it is inherent to women that they are ontologically more honorable than men. Thus, the badass knows that, because of what he is, women will seek him and love him, but that also due to what he is, every attention of the sort is an honor, and should be greeted as such. The badass is neither a libertine nor a tongue-tied farmhand, neither a wife-beater nor a "kept man." He is a chivalrous being who is worthy of the attentions he receives.
Fourth and lastly, the badass has a particular relationship to tools and the workings of society. He cannot be the "gadget guy," the nerdy fellow who lives in his lab and whose only contribution to the story is that he provides the latest inventions to the real hero. The nerd has a part to play, but it is inherently subordinate. Neither is the badass the man who disdains any and all assistance due to a sense of pride in his own abilities. He realizes that, for certain jobs and tasks, tools are necessary to enhance his own natural talents. He knows how to use them, without being owned by their use. The same relationship exists between the badass and society: he knows how to move in it, without being overtly concerned with its workings. He must know enough politics to choose the good men over the bad, but he cannot enter into the machinations of palace intrigue.
In the final analysis, then, the key term in relation to the badass is "balance."
Once, in our senior year at college, I joked with one of my Hispanic friends that he had become an "achieved Latino." I explained that, in my opinion, the Latino ideal of a great man was one who could, without hustle or bustle, walk into a ring and fight a bull on a whim. He retorted that he believed the Latino ideal for men was to lie on a beach, to drink tequila, and to be surrounded by beautiful women. "Sure," I said, "But wouldn't it be even more perfect if he did all that... while knowing he was a bullfighter?" He laughingly agreed.
So! In conclusion, the badass is a man who has achieved balance in all aspects of behavior that are thought of as being particularly masculine.
(Didn't think I could define a badass, did you? Ha!)
This, then, is the first part of my life's ambition: to be a badass. But of course, we all want that. How is this at all informative?
Now we have to focus more exclusively on the personal aspects of such an ambition.
Anyone who knows me at all knows that I'm a pretty dramatic guy. I tend towards the flamboyant and the full-of-flair. Don't know why, but so it is. I also know some men who do not have a dramatic bone in their bodies. Now, being a badass shouldn't require one kind of personality; if it's really an ideal, it should be possible for all men in their particular circumstances. So, dramatic me and strong-silent-type other guy should both be able to be badasses without compromising our personalities.
From this, I can say that I wish to be a dramatic badass- not exactly the kind of gunfighter who goes into battle with huge, waxed mustaches and a beautifully manicured suit, but something in the same ballpark: the kind of gunfighter who would do all of the above if the situation permitted it.
But we're still not quite there. While being a badass might be the fulfillment of a man's natural desires, the reality of Catholicism introduces him to a wholly different realm of fulfillment. The end goal of a Christian man is not just to be a balanced male, but to be an alter Christus in the manner to which he is called by God. He is called to be a saint.
Therefore: I wish to be a dramatic badass saint, in a way peculiar to my personality.
In a single image: one day, after I'm dead, I want kids to see a holy card with me on it, wearing both my earrings, next to my wife and kids, toting a samurai's katana, with my pet tiger reclining at my feet.
In a phrase: my life's ambition is to become the most selected Confirmation Saint the world has ever seen.
Watch out, Sts. Francis and Patrick.
I'm gunning for you.
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